1. meeting Jesus in the afterlife

    1. jesus: i have the answer to all of humanities questions
    2. me: what does cr1tikal look like
  2. losingface:




    (Source: weloveshortvideos.com, via oldmanstephanie)


  3. tom-sits-like-a-whore:

    reasons to date me

    • no pressure to wear pants in my presence
    • or any clothes at all really
    • but it’s up to you
    • u can be big spoon or little spoon
    • totally your choice
    • i’m always ready to make out
    • aLwaYs
    • also u don’t even have to buy me things just maybe an ice cream cone every once in a while that’s it 
    • i’ll let you lick it though
    • i mean the ice cream cone
    • well not just the ice cream cone

    (via mermaidcvnt)


  4. magnacarterholygrail:

    if sacha baron cohen can get a movie for borat, then gotfuckingdammit, someone give snoop a movie for todd

    (via donkeybong)

  9. (Source: mydemisee, via mermaidbully)


  10. Straight White Boy Problem #497


    i fell asleep by the pool once because i was so tired and I eventually started dreaming that I was suspended in air. I was like “this is what michael Jordan feels like when he’s dunking” but then I woke up and one of my bros was holding me by my arms and another dude was holding my legs. They were both laughing. I was like “justin. Trey. Dont do this im not ready” but they dropped my ass in the pool it was sooo cold. Thank GOD my phone wasn’t in my pocket. dad would have killed me